Tis the Season...

You know you're in Florida when.....It's the middle of December and you hear the repetitive "It's a Small World After All" as the the ice cream truck comes down your street.

You know you're on your period when....There just doesn't seem to be enough chocolate in you chocolate bagel so you break up chunks of Hershey's dark chocolate and put it on top...you also decide to put hot chocolate in your coffee and enjoy a ghetto mocha:)

I just finished catching up on everyones blog this morning. It was nice because in a way it was like I got to talk to you guys. I've been kind of lonely, which is stupid because I'm surrounded by people at work, surrounded by people at opera rehearsals, surrounded by people when I perform, surrounded by my friends who live here, surrounded by my family and sisters who just got home...so why do I feel lonely? I think part of it is that for as long as I can remember the time leading up to Christmas was one of glee and excitement, midterms, Christmas parties, decorating my dorm, flying home, being able to goof off after classes finally end....while this year it seemed a little anticlimactic... I didn't get excited when my mom got all the decorations out to decorate the house, I had no will to help her put them up, I didn't get excited when I saw decorations pop up around town or in my restaurant, I wasn't even very moved when I listened to Josh Groban's Christmas CD "Noel"...what is my problem? (Okay, I was moved a little, because "Little Drummer Boy" is pretty much the best thing ever!)

If I were to self diagnose myself I'd say it has a lot to do with the fact that I'm unhappy living at home. My parents and I do not get along for many reasons and I've found my only defense it to just shut them out in a way, which only makes them and me more unhappy. They just don't understand! graga;sd;lfkjds;kjsdf!!!! I've toyed with moving out many times but there just always seemed to be more benefit staying, as I don't have to pay rent here and have the use of a car, but I'm starting to think otherwise. Those things seem minuscule to the happiness I'd feel living in a house full of people around my age on my own! It's almost like I'm stuck half in the real world and half in parent protected world and this feeling of limbo is driving me insane!! This is my life damn it and I should be able to do with it as I please. I feel like I'm in a cage and not reaching my full potential....and I'm sick of telling myself this is just temporary and must be endured to reach the next phase in my life...bullshit. This is here and now and I'm unhappy and I'm going to do something about it! Woah...that felt good.

Well, I'm not sure where to go after that emotional outburst. I will say that my performance at the University Club Dec. 19th went really well. My voice just flowed and I felt so in control and I just performed the shit out of the songs while simultaneously being petrified I'd forget the words to these classics that every blue hair in the room probably had memorized since puberty. After the performance a man who used to be a singer for 45 years came up and told me I had an incredible gift and a wonderful career ahead of me. I don't know though, I just felt sad, being around all these people who probably didn't have anymore then 15 years left in their life all decked out in there red and green eating salmon and rice sitting 8 to a table. Were they happy? Were they bitter? Did they feel like they'd lived a full life? Were they prepared to die tomorrow? Did they still love their equally old spouse sitting next to them the same way they loved them when they met?

I proceeded to a party afterwards decked out in my new express outfit and feeling sexy. I didn't know anyone at the party except Josh and his girlfriend Tiffany, but that of course changed once I had a bottle of White Zinfandel inside me. One guy was clearly looking for some action, a 20 year old with a good body, who called me Handcock all night because apparently I look like the girl from the movie, who turned out to be Charlize Theron. I told him I was 24 and that he was too young for me. A group of us then spent a good portion of the night playing "Big Booty" which is astoundingly fun when you're drunk. I then passed out listening to a couple girls who work at the front desk of the Hilton gossip about hooking up with their manager and fellow employees.

Up next, I'll be singing "O Holy Night" at the midnight service Christmas Eve at St. Lukes Cathedral in downtown Orlando. I really can't believe Christmas is right around the corner, but somehow I find myself looking forward to the New Year and all the new possibilities it will bring! I already have confirmed auditions for Cincinnati Conservatory and Florida State University, and I will be singing the novice in Suor Angelica with the Orlando Opera Company in April!

I probably won't be able to write in here until after the Holidays with all the Hub bub so I just want to wish everyone a Happy Holiday and a very Merry Christmas! I hope your season is full of peace, health, relaxation and love!

ps. It's a little on the nippy side in Florida today....60 degreees!:)

oaotimetogogetchristmasgiftsformysisterso, Caitlyn